I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
