drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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