the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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