At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
