Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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