these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
