Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
