I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
