508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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