see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
