I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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