didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
