Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
