At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
