I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
