I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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