I'm going to jail i love you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
