So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
