She went from zero to smokin in five shots
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The chlamydia really affected his face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
