All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were destined to go to rehab together
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
