I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
