I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
