He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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