i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
