they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
