Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
