I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
