ugly people sure do ruin things
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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