So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
