Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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