i just wanna soil my oats bro
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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