So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
