I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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