Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
