hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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