i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
