i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
