The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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