I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
