I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
