ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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