Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
