I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
