youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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