Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
