I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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