Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
