seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
