I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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