i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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