he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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