I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
