I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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