You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
