Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
