I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
